4 Tips to Build Your Confidence

People are often surprised when I tell them that I wasn’t always confident and that developing confidence is something I do every single day. I tell them that having seen every single mistake I’ve ever made, and subconsciously comparing myself to other people’s best selves — the only side people typically share — is only normal so we must counteract it.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES

We can’t stop making mistakes but we can learn from our mistakes so we can do better next time. It’s really easy. All you do is replay the situation as it happened, understand what you don’t like, consider other approaches, then play the situation out in your mind like a movie, editing out the part you didn’t like, and editing in the better approach. This is called visualization and it works, because the sub-conscience doesn’t know the difference between truth and a lie, so the next time I’m in the same situation playing out the new scenario is easier, as you’ve already done it (in your mind). Fixing things builds confidence.

INVENTORY YOUR STRENGTHS

Confidence is easier when you fall in love with yourself, and this “I love me” exercise has been invaluable to my journey to fall in love with myself:

1. Grab a pencil and a piece of paper
2. Draw a heart in the middle of the paper about the size of a quarter
3. Write the letters M and E in it
4. Draw 12 lines out from the heart to the edge of the paper where the hours on the clock would be
5. Write on each line something you like about yourself e.g. kind, creative, etc.
6. Draw more lines and adjectives as needed
7. Consider asking your friends to help you by sharing with you what they feel your best traits are, and then add these too
8. Keep this somewhere you can see it and read it regularly
9. Consider painting it or colouring it
10. Put a date in your calendar to update it regularly

REMOVE OR REDUCE EXPOSURE TO TOXIC PEOPLE

We also have to deal with bullies who will gaslight and brainwash you into thinking you made mistakes you didn’t, just to try and build their own confidence, or in the case of a narcist gain pleasure. Although not always possible to remove these people from your life, seriously reducing your exposure is recommended. But what do you do when the bully is you?

EDUCATE YOURSELF

Although I’m sure there are many confidence experts, I highly recommend  Sherri Leopold who has books and workshops on Self-Bullying: What To Do When the Bully is YOU! and has a course that teaches just that. Sherri specializes in showing people how to stand UP and Stand OUT as the unrepeatable miracle that we are. Just following Sherri on social media alone has increased my confidence greatly.